i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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