i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
