I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My penis needs a shock collar
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
