He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
