i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
