I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
