It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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