When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
