woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
