I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
