I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
we're so committed to being not committed
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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