Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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