so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
