Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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