..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
