I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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