when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
