You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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