Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
