I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
