the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
