So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
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judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
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I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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