Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
