Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
