We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
