you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
