oh god the rape fog is back!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
