he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
