there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
