Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
