we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
