This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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