I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
