I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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