So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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