I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
