Quick, to the slutcave!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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she peed on how many people?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
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You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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