those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
