apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
