That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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