I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
