What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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