I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
