is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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