He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
