I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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