I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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