I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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