I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
