A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize