And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
