Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Every concussion has its silver lining
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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