Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
