look no pants
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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