I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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