I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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